cigarettes, slot machines

I am addicted to a sense of newness.
I am addicted to the rush. This bothers me.
It bothers me on some level, then it bothers me not one bit.
It motivates me, then it creates an alarming sense of failure.
There’s no cure. Believe me, I’ve looked.
The novelty gives me a rush. It activates dopamine, making me feel pleasure and excitement.
This hedonic treadmill is driving me crazy.
The search is what keeps me coming back. The seeking is what’s addictive.
It’s easier to fuel constant motion than to nurture stillness.
Tuning out the hype, but remaining open and curious.
This dance never ends.