chameleon

I am so accepting. My God, please fix this!

I love it, but why does it always hurt me in the end?

I see everyone for their good, but I am so painfully realistic that I can’t help but know them for their bad.

Why does it have to be this way? Why can’t I be naive?

The worst part is knowing them for their bad but still choosing to see them for their good. I say 'worst' because why am I worried that you're mad at me when I know for a fact you shouldn't be? Why am I worried about whether I did something to bother you? Isn't that something that should be communicated to me?

The best part is, I’m a chameleon. I can adjust to the personalities around me. I can work on it if you ask me to change in whatever situation bothers you. I’m emotionally mature enough to speak when something is wrong and stay silent when I should let things go. In my ideal world, the people around me would be the same. We’d understand each other and the choices we make. We’d be forgiving. We’d be mature enough to communicate, and loving enough to work through the discrepancies.

But instead, here I am. With an anxious stomach and my heart on my sleeve, constantly wanting to save every relationship with my accepting values. Do you think I don’t notice that I’m always the one giving? Do you think I don’t realize I’ve never received anything from you? I notice, but I’m so understanding I don’t care. I love you so much, I look the other way. I never expect anything. Even as I write this, I hope you don’t read it, because I don’t want you to feel offended.

I am so accepting. My God, please fix this!