thandaza

it just does not do it for me like it once did before

the outfit-of-the-night posts
the photos of the pretty drinks
the DJ spinning, then the zoom-out to the crowd
the fatuous conversations
the drunk DMs
the regretful kisses

even from the sidelines
i can't do it like i once did

as i scroll the façades
it sparks my interest—
are you happy?
why are you doing this?
do you have control over yourself?
are you living your life—
or a life you've accepted as yours?
a life that flows with the current
because going against it was too hard

do you actually enjoy the conversations you won’t remember?
if the setting were different,
and the psychoactive substances weren’t impairing your judgment,
would you verily enjoy their company?

do you know that by association, you are one of them too?

i wonder

about all the potential 

lost in translation
lost in confusion
lost in conformation
lost in comfort
lost in hurt
lost in the inability to heal

i am not judging
i am observing
i am challenging you
because i love you
and i know there’s more to you

and in a similar way reminding myself
of me
and
of you

with hope