karma

I don’t seek revenge because the love I gave you was so extremely necessary for your existence.
I don’t seek revenge because you will never know what it is like to be inside me, let alone touch me.
I don’t seek revenge because I lay beside myself at night with no trouble falling asleep.
I don’t seek revenge because they knew what a family was because I worked so hard to make sure they never felt otherwise.
I don’t seek revenge because I sit here as I write this, 12 a.m. on a Saturday night, alone, not avoiding my reality, and I find peace and so much gratitude in where I am.
I don’t seek revenge because I am not the one reading my blog from a hotel in Mexico with a girl I met a month ago.
I don’t seek revenge because I will make someone so fucking proud to be my husband, he will waste no time making me a mother.
I don’t seek revenge because I finally can see what true love looks like, and it’s not a man with words that taste like honey, but actions that sting like a bee.
I don’t seek revenge because I will never search for you in anyone.
I don’t seek revenge because you will.

You will search for me
in silly jokes,
in interesting articles,
in neon body suits,
in funny dances,
in poems that you read,
in house music,
in vinyls,
in aggressive sex,
in old messages,
in old photos,
in retelling stories,
in airplanes,
in animals,
in every single woman,
in climate activism,
in oceans,
in sunsets.

You will search for me for the rest of your life.
I don’t seek revenge because you will never find me.